Weigh In Wednesday

Let me just say it up front….the scale went in the wrong direction this week.  And not by a little either.

I’m flat out mad at myself about it.  Clothes are starting to get snug and for some reason, I still was just not on my food game this week.  I hinted at it in my last post about tri training.  I feel like I am just going backwards and I am not entirely sure why.

I take that back.  I know exactly why.

It’s because I’m not happy.  With me, weight is always a barometer of what is going on in my head.  100 %.  And since I am frustrated and upset in my life right now, I am taking it out in my food choices.   I’m eating and drinking to make myself feel better.  My husband is working late every night right now, and has been doing an awful lot of that over the last few months.

My days mostly go like this:  I eat a solid breakfast, before or after a good workout.  I usually stay strong during lunch, but then the afternoon munchies hit.  I try to make a good choice there, and sometimes I do, but sometimes I don’t.  I might have a second helping at dinner, I might not.

But then I am on the couch alone after the kids are either watching tv in the playroom or off to bed.  And I drink my glass of wine and snack my way through the evening.  And the longer I sit there, the worse it gets.

I’m lonely.  I am unhappy that I don’t have a strong career.  I’m frustrated that the rest of my family isn’t strongly supporting my fitness journey.  I feel like if I want to be truly living a healthier lifestyle I am doomed because no one else in the house wants to do that with me.

I know.  Excuses, all of them.  I am living the same life I was a few months ago when I dropped the weight.  The same life I was last year when I lost the same amount.  It’s a negative thought pattern that just stems from me not believing enough in myself and my strength.  That awful voice that tells me I have always been overweight and will always be overweight.  No matter how many miles I run or salads I eat.

I need to bitchslap that voice.  Somehow.  But today?  This week?  In this moment?  I don’t honestly feel like I have the strength.  Or the will.  Or the motivation.

But I’m going to keep trying.  I haven’t given up.  I have enough belief to at least not give up.

Age:  44
BMI:  29.8
+/- :  +1.2 lbs
Pounds to Current Goal:  17.4 lbs


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About mostlyforward

Somewhere on the journey to a better life, depending on the day...moving (mostly) forward.

One response to “Weigh In Wednesday”

  1. fittoservegroup says :

    Well I pray you stay the course. Here to cheer you on!

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