Weigh In Wednesday: “Walking the Walk”?

Yes, there it is.  It’s time to start holding myself more accountable for what I am putting into my body. My weight is up two pounds over the last two weeks.  And unfortunately, is back up to the place I was six months ago.  I’ve managed to erase eight pounds of hard work and sacrifice, and I’ve pretty much done it in the last two months. And it is completely 100% my fault.  Granted, two of these pounds are totally related to my sister’s visit, but I knew what I was doing.  Did I have to get the two scoop ice cream when we went to the dairy farm?  No.  Did I need to get the italian ice with the custard mixed in?  No.  Did I need that third piece of wood fired pizza?  No.  I could have still had all of those things but in smaller portions. I am unhappy with myself and my choices.  And reading this post today on Roni’s website this morning really stopped me in my tracks:

But here it is: does it bother you in the least that so many of the “fit blogger” community never actually walk the walk? I follow several of them and their blogs are FULL of ads for this “healthy” snack food or this fitness device or DVD or sports bra or whatever…and full of giggly posts about their new gym schedule and cutesy pix of their vitamins lined up on a pretty plate or whatever…and then posts about going out drinking with the girls, eating appetizers, weekends on the couch binge-watching TV shows and chick flicks, rationalizations about moderation, etc. They have a ticker that hasn’t budged in years as they yo-yo the same 10-ish pounds, never actually getting “fit” or losing any weight.

While I don’t agree with the judgement reeking from this email from “Martha” that Roni received, I see myself in it.  And I find myself judging myself in the same way.  My blog is three years old as of yesterday (Happy Blogoversary to Me!) and I am sitting here exactly 1.5 lbs less than the day I started it.  Granted, I don’t have any ads on my site and I’m well out of the Fitbloggin’ circle (I have only been to one conference) but I am definitely one of those struggling with finding the right path to health and wellness.  One minute I am proud of making a clean meal for my family or giving up artificial sweeteners and soda, and the next I’m eating Milanos and drinking too much white wine. But am I not getting fit?  Am I not healthier than I was when I started this blog three years ago?

And then I see this story and the ensuing comment discussion about Rachel Taylor and her experience shopping at Old Navy recently.  Comments like this:

Uhm, if you’re going to cry and feel bad because someone pointed out your size is huge. ( Which it is; it’s no secret that she’s obese ) then someone giving real blunt advice and saying “well you can fix that problem” is not rude at all. Society is trying to fix the obesity problem by making everyone believe it’s okay and beautiful.. when it fact it’s unhealthy and a negative life style.

I find myself reading that and feeling like a failure.  Why haven’t I “fixed this problem” already.  It’s been three years.  How hard is it to stop eating and drinking so much?  It sounds so simple.

But I think it is not all that simple.  While by any measure or indication on the scale or in the mirror, I am overweight.  My sister, the one who recently visited, weighs 50 pounds less than I do.  While I don’t want or think I need to lose that much, it’s a bigger number than I can even fathom.  I am overweight.  But does it then follow that I am “unhealthy and have a negative lifestyle”?

Since I started this blog I’ve kept up with running, something I had just started (and nearly gave up on) at that point.  I increased my mileage to take on 10Ks and even two half marathons, something I never imagined I could do.  I started taking bootcamp classes and increasing my muscle mass and activity level.  I started taking yoga classes.  And now I’m training for a triathlon, another fitness event I never dreamed possible for me. I would argue (and can actually prove based on how my clothes fit) that even though the scale has not moved for me, and while I still have to work on my self control and will power, I am still making positive choices in my health journey.

Even if my weight yo yoed up in the same ten pound range over the last three years.  Even though I still drink and eat too much.  Even though I relapsed into eating sugar again.  I’m still better off than I was three years ago, and this blog (and the encouragement of the fitness/healthy blog community) is a big part of that.  I am stronger and more active than I have ever been in my life, even when I weighed less.

So I would argue that there is a complicated spectrum to health and wellness.  And that we’re all, every day, looking to find that balance between health, weight, appearance and lifestyle that we can live with.  I’m still striving to find that balance. And I probably will continue to struggle for a very long time.  But hopefully, if I keep trying, I can continue to move forward in the journey.

So on this Wednesday, as I commit yet again to trying to drop these extra pounds, I will use once again all that I know about healthy eating and exercise to move (mostly) forward.  I am going back to using Wednesdays for weigh ins for the accountability of it.

Age:  44
BMI:  29.5
+/- :  +1.2 lbs (2 weeks since last weigh in)
Pounds to Current Goal:  16.2 lbs

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About mostlyforward

Somewhere on the journey to a better life, depending on the day...moving (mostly) forward.

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