Wednesday Weigh In (Dragging My Feet Edition)

Yeah, I know the calendar reads Thursday.  You know what that means.  When it has been two weeks since I post about a weigh in, and I finally am forcing myself to do it a day late it can only mean one thing:  the scale is up.

But I refuse to be one of those bloggers that simply disappear when the going gets tough.  Yes, I have gained one pound since last week.  Yes, I am hitting panic stations with my weight.  Yes, with the cooler weather my pants that fit so nicely last spring are on the snug side.  Yes to all of that.  But that means that I need to really be forcing myself to think about why that is and really hashing that out.  Not ignoring it.  Ignoring it means that I just keep on keeping on, and that isn’t working so well right now.

So why am I not making better choices?  Because when it comes down to it, it’s the food.  Exercise has been pretty great all year, even with my summer drop off in running.  I’m working on a new 5K training program to improve speed, and while it is HARD, I am doing my runs.  I am not slacking off.  I am not skipping out on what i need to do.  What is different between that and food?

I honestly don’t know.  I know how great it feels to drop the weight.  I know how great it feels to eat healthy, unprocessed food.  But some times, too many times, the little voice in my head says, “Just go ahead.  One more won’t hurt.  A little more is OK.  You might as well finish it.  It’s no big deal.  You can do better tomorrow.”

And then the vicious circle stuff kicks in.  Today I actually looked at my reflection and thought, “God, I wish I’d been born pretty.  How different my life would have been if I had just been more attractive.”  The self loathing teams up with the questionable self control and before you know it, it’s a battle of wills that usually ends up somewhere in the bottom of a bowl or glass.  “Well, I might not be pretty, but at least this popcorn/granola/chardonnay/cake/whatever makes me feel good.”

Somewhere, somehow, I have to quiet the crap that lives in the dark recesses of my head and remind myself of the good stuff.  The healthy patterns that lead to healthy thoughts and healthy living.  I have to find the lightness of heart that will help me bring the lightness back to my body.

Current Week:+1 lbs
Total Weight Left To Lose: 16.4 lbs
Age: 43
BMI: 28.6


About mostlyforward

Somewhere on the journey to a better life, depending on the day...moving (mostly) forward.

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