It’s All About Choices

I didn’t write a Wednesday weigh in post yesterday.  It’s up.  I’m mad.  I’m mad because I have no one to blame but myself.

It’s July 17 and I’ve essentially erased all of the gains (losses?) I’ve made this year on the scale.

I know you’ll tell me that it isn’t all about the scale, and I’m still doing better than I ever have before with exercise and fitness.  I just completed my first half marathon and am still running consistently three days a week.  I feel good about that.

And I know this number on the scale is different than when I saw that number before because of my fitness level.  Last time I weighed this amount, in 2007, I hardly exercised at all.  Clothes fit now that didn’t fit at this weight before.  So I know that it isn’t all about the number.

But the number is still a gauge.  And it’s rising rapidly over the last few weeks.

I have to get back in a place of control.

I find my days pretty much going like this these days:  I’ll get up in the morning with great intentions.  I’ll work out on most of them, and have a healthy breakfast.  Maybe a healthy snack around 10 if the breakfast was light.  Lunch is usually still pretty good, although lately we have had a lot of leftovers to plow through, and when I have leftovers, sometimes it isn’t always the healthiest lunch.  By three or four in the afternoon I’m feeling hungry again, and things are calming down with the kids and schedules so I’m usually in front of the computer or TV.  So I reach for my go to:  Skinnypop popcorn and nuts.  I tell myself this isn’t the worst snack I could have and it is filling.  Then it is time for dinner.  I’m not really hungry because of the snack but I eat anyway because I’ve made dinner for the family.  I have a glass of wine most days with that dinner.

And then the kids settle in to TV/reading/God knows what the teenager does in her room and it’s me and sometimes my husband in front of the TV.  Another glass of wine.  Then the munchies hit.  Sometimes it’s something sweet.  And the more of each I have the more I want.

Before you know it, I’m regretting the last 500 calories and have blown the day that started off so well.

This happens at least three days a week.

It’s because, I think, by the end of the day, I am on autopilot.  I’m not even thinking anymore.  Or I am thinking about what I’m doing and just not caring.  I want what I want more than I want these last ten (fifteen, actually, as of this morning) pounds gone.  The moment is fleeting but the decision is made.

I have to be more aware.  More conscious.  Think about EVERYTHING that goes in my mouth because it all adds up.  It all matters.  Every single choice, all the little ones, are what adds up.  I can’t keep canceling out the good ones with bad ones.  There have to be more good ones if I’m going to go lower on the scale.

Choices.  It’s all about the choices.  Every. Single. One.

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About mostlyforward

Somewhere on the journey to a better life, depending on the day...moving (mostly) forward.

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