All Over the Place

So….I feel kind of all over the place right now.  This post will have no real point, but I feel like i need to just kind of get all the thoughts out of my head and move on from them.

I hurt my knee running on Thursday, which has been a source of frustration.  I did go for a brief walk on Saturday but haven’t wanted to push it.  I thought I would go out yesterday, but ended up having the day get away from me.  I suppose it is just as well because when I finally got out there this morning, it was not all better.  I did feel it twinge a fair amount in the start of the run, so I started doing more of a run/walk, trying to find the gait and terrain where it didn’t bother me.  I figured out quickly that the hills seemed to trigger it, so walked on the hills and did a slow jog on the flat parts of my route.  In the end, it didn’t feel quite as bad as it did at the start, and I managed to pull off 3.3 miles total.  I had wanted to go four, but I figured that I shouldn’t push it.

I don’t know what happened with it.  I did a big strength training video the day before, and was sore, but not really in the knees.  We were trail running when it happened, and I just gradually noticed it starting to feel funny every so often…maybe once every few minutes.  But by the end, it was nearly ever step.  I must have just pulled something.  I need to rest it because I do have a 5K this weekend….although I am not too worried about this one.  It’s a Run With Your Dog 5K.  I don’t even know if it will be timed.  And it’s basically around a parking lot.  So I’m not too worried.  If it bothers me, I’ll just start walking.  I’m more upset because I wanted to register for another 10K, on Mother’s Day, but I think I’ll give it until after this next race before I do that.

Without much of a goal at this point I feel kind of adrift with everything.  The injury is frustrating with the running, and the food is just a train wreck.  I’ve been drinking too much, and not tracking.  Last week, the not tracking wasn’t bad.  This week it feels like defiance.  I did input Thursday and Friday and then had such a bad weekend I didn’t bother.  I just kind of don’t care.  I see the scale creeping up and I’m shrugging my shoulders.  It’s stupid, and I know it’s going to make me feel bad later, but right now, I am ambivalent.

Part of it is my mental freak out around Boston and the ensuing events of last week.  I was looking for stability and comfort, and when I couldn’t run in solidarity with my community over the weekend, I ate and drank my feelings instead.

Well, at least I know what it is.

So today I got in a run, I’ve iced my knee, and now it’s time to move on.

For now, that’ll have to be enough.


About mostlyforward

Somewhere on the journey to a better life, depending on the day...moving (mostly) forward.

One response to “All Over the Place”

  1. beths13 says :

    Keep your head up! I’ve only had a quick look at your blog but I read this and I just wanted to let you know that I’m just starting out and if I get anywhere near as far as you obviously have it will be an achievement 🙂

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