Wednesday Weigh In

Not a good week.

I could feel the complacency right from the start on Wednesday, when I “rewarded” myself for a loss by having 2 glasses of wine on Wednesday night last week.  And since the bottle was open, a few more on Thursday.  And then Friday was my son’s birthday party.  Saturday we had dinner at home, my husband done with his rough January period.  Heavy meal, more wine.  Sunday, we had his cousins over for dinner.  More wine, heavy appetizers filled with cheese and bread and oozy waist expanding goodness.  Monday, my son’s actual birthday, and a trip to the local Mexican restaurant.  Can’t go there without having a margarita or two, right?  Yesterday, my vow to be “good” on the final day before weigh in went to shit when my girlfriend and I went back to the same Mexican place and crabbed out our lives over good food and (more) margaritas.

The thing about it is, I know exactly where I slipped, how I slipped, and I was very conscious about making every one of my bad choices this week.

It’s because I’m close to the line.  The line of self sabotage.  There is a mental thing that happens to me when I get down to A Certain Number.  And below it, I feel lovely, thinner, healthier, and sure that I’ve finally conquered my weight problem.  Above it, I feel fat and foolish.  Last week, I weighed in just 0.4 above the magic number….I was there!  This week I’m above it.  Several pounds above it.

That’s because I gained 2.4 lbs last week.

I’m pissed, I’m frustrated and I just want to whine about all of it.  How hard it is, how perfect you have to be all of the time, how you can’t enjoy your life and be thin, how it doesn’t matter how far you run or how many strength building exercises you do, you can still feel fat and awful when you’ve screwed up your food choices and post a gain on the scale.

In my head, all of that is happening.  I am whining.  I’m frustrated.  And I have no one to blame but myself.

But on paper, I’m still going forward.  What other choice is there?  I can’t give up.  My timeline is pretty much blown, but I’m still going to get back to tracking today and have a better food day.  Any progress is better than none.

Current Week:  +2.4 lbs
Total Weight Left To Lose:  17.8 lbs
Weeks Left to Goal Date:  10
Age:  42
BMI:  28.9


One response to “Wednesday Weigh In”

  1. Adelyn says :

    Whine away for a bit…and then get after it! 😉

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